The Trapeze Swinger by Iron and Wine has been one of my favorite songs since I first heard it on the movie, "In Good Company." It has always struck a chord with me, made me very emotional, but at the same time has always been a song that makes me think there is an optimistic outcome ahead of me. No matter how hard it is to see it, or even if it isn't at all perceivable, you hope it's there.
Once I almost moved to Chicago and went to art school. It was the same school Walt Disney attended. I've never really traveled much. It has always been my dream, but somehow I have always been so afraid of my own dreams. Why didn't I just go to the school in Chicago? Was I so afraid of failing at a dream that deciding to go with the "Run of the mill" college experience was my only option? Maybe after two years of going to college and getting my generals done near by I can go to that art school...
Obviously, I didn't ever go to that college in Chicago. I ended up dropping out of college somewhere between my sophomore and junior year. School had become something that was just in the way of living my self-destructive lifestyle. I lost focus, didn't know what was real, or even what was important to reality. Consciousness was a hopeful idea at the time. Even when I was sober, everything was so bleak and grey I may as well have been asleep. I have some memories that stick in my head like still shots. I have a few moments remembering several sets of white teeth. Laughing. Still am not sure if those laughs were sincere, but I remember how at the time, I was convinced my toothy grin was real. But looking back, was it all worth it? I still don't have that answer yet...
Thanks, Nate
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